Valkyrie's Loves
by DeadWoman
Summary: rubbish at summaries but basically pairing Valkyrie with everyone and writing romantic stuff about it. review who you want me to pair her with. thanks R
1. Chapter 1 : Dexyrie Part 1

**Hello miiinnnniiioonnsss**

Valkyrie threw on a casual white top and tight blue jeans then checked herself out in the mirror. Dexter was coming over and she wanted to look her best. Not that she wanted to **impress **him. Valkyrie sighed then stomped to her wardrobe again. What was Dexter's favourite colour again?

Orange.

Valkyrie silently groaned as she scanned her wardrobe. One orange turtle-neck and a pair of orange suede boots. Why couldn't he have a normal favourite colour?

She grabbed a black polo shirt and slipped it on over a pair of white skinny jeans. She was tanned from the holiday Skulduggery took her on in Spain. Then the doorbell rung and she panicked.

"I'm just coming, Dex!" Valkyrie called, stepping into some flip-flops and checked her orange nails. Slightly chipped but they'd do.

She ran downstairs and opened the door. Dexter took her breath away. Gold hair, soulful eyes and wearing a checked shirt and jeans.

"You look great." He raised an eyebrow and she blushed.

"Thanks, so do you." Valkyrie grinned. "Um, do you want to come in?"

"Yeah, sure. What's broken again? Before we watch the movie." Dexter asked.

"The attic door. It's creeping me out because it keeps flapping open." Valkyrie led him upstairs (she giggled at that thought) and passed her bedroom (she blushed) and Gordon's study then stopped at the attic door. "Look at it. It's scary."

"True. I'd hate to stay here overnight." Dexter said then glanced at her. "Not that I would be anyway. But I would if this wasn't-. Never mind."

Valkyrie smiled at him and waited as he climbed up a ladder to fix it. His shirt lifted up slightly and Valkyrie's heart melted as she caught sight of his muscles. Dexter was tapping the hinges of the attic door and Valkyrie found herself staring up at him. When he looked down, she blinked and looked away.

"I'll go put the DVD in and get snacks ready." Valkyrie said hastily and ran off downstairs. He caught her staring! How embarrassing! She leant against the kitchen counter, face bright red, and checked her phone. Three messages from Skulduggery.

**Hi, Valkyrie, are you free to go shopping today? It's China's birthday next week and I need a present. **

**Tanith told me about Dexter coming round. It doesn't matter. I'm going with Tanith.**

**Have fun. **

Valkyrie sighed and tried to type a reply. "Pull yourself together, woman." She muttered then heard a cough behind her.

"Hi." Dexter said. "It's fixed. The hinges were just broken slightly."

She smiled at him, gratefully. "Thanks. Should we got watch the film?" **Did he hear me talking to myself?**

"Don't tell Skulduggery but I brought some wine. It's just in my car. I'll go get it now."

"Sure." Valkyrie waited until he had gone and shut the front door before replying to Skulduggery.

**All well here. Just watching film with Dex. He fixed the attic door as well :) x**

Then she turned her phone off and put the movie on.

...

Halfway through, they ran out of popcorn. Dexter and Valkyrie reached for the last popcorn kernel at the same time. Dexter laughed. "You have it."

"No, you."

"You."

"You."

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Dexter suggested.

"Okay. Rock, paper, scissors!" She played rock and he played paper. "Aw!" She laughed as he enclosed his hand around hers then she stopped laughing. Dexter's lazy smile went. They stared at each other and Valkyrie leant forward for a kiss.

Their lips met.

Then Dexter's phone buzzed and he leapt away. "Um, hi!" He answered it quickly and Valkyrie tried to calm her breathing. "Hi, Erskine. Your Highness." He added and Valkyrie grinned at her lap, not daring to look at him. "No I'm fine. Just watching a film with Val. Yeah. I can come in. See you in about an hour? Bye." He hung up.

"So." Valkyrie said.

"Sorry, kiddo, I mean, work comes first! Ha! Do you want to come with me or...hang out here?"

**Kiddo. Bloody kiddo.**

"I'm fine, Dexter, I'll go see a friend." Valkyrie said, stung. Work comes first?

"Bye then. See you. Valkyrie Cain." Dexter's eyes lingered on her then he walked out.

...

**Dexter left. Just me. Want to come over with ice cream and wine? Xx**

Valkyrie texted Tanith but a one sentence reply came back.

**Am on date with Ghastly xxxx**

**Sorry xxx**

She sighed and threw her phone on the sofa before going to have a nice relaxing bath.

...

Dexter stared at his phone and brought up New Message to Valkyrie. Should he text her?

**Hi sorry for leavi-**

He deleted it all. She'd be having fun out partying with her friends. Her 400 years younger than him friends. Like a teenager should. She was eighteen, for God's sake, she deserved someone like Fletcher or that Hansard Kray. Someone young and exciting. Someone not like him.

**Goodbyeee minions. If you have any ideas of who I should pair Valkyrie with, just review here! **


	2. Chapter 2 : Dexyrie Part 2

**All characters are Derek Landy's, amazing Irish author and great tweeter. Tweeter? Tweetee? Never mind. **

Valkyrie woke up with an overwhelming sense of dread. For a second, she couldn't figure out why. Then she remembered. Dexter coming over and watching a movie. Kissing over the popcorn (well, empty popcorn bowl) and then him leaving suddenly for a work thing and calling her _kiddo_. She wasn't a kiddo. She was eighteen.

She got out of bed, frowning, and clumped down the stairs as heavily as she could.

"Elephant feet." Someone said and she whirled round, fists clenched. Dexter was leant casually against the wall near the stairs and was smiling at her.

"What the hell are you doing here at 8am?" Valkyrie snapped.

"Woah. Don't bite my head off." Dexter said. "Skulduggery sent me here to babysit you. I didn't want to do this, after yesterday, but someone's trying to kill you. Someone dangerous. More dangerous than usual anyway."

"Whatever. Just don't get in my way." Valkyrie walked into the kitchen and looked in the fridge to calm down her anger. Why was she so annoyed? Was it the term _babysit_? Which she thought was totally stupid. She didn't need looking after. She didn't need protecting. She didn't need…

"What's up with you this morning?" Dexter interrupted her thoughts. She yanked a bottle of milk out and poured it in a glass. Then glared at him.

"I don't need babysitting."

"Yes you do. Erskine and Ghastly's orders."

"And why did they send you?"

"Everyone else is busy and they didn't trust Saracen alone with you for however long this is for. Maybe a week. He's a charmer."

A week? She was ready to kill him now. She could only hope that he didn't mention yesterday again.

"Maybe you should get dressed." Dexter said. Valkyrie glanced down at her grey shorts and vest top she wore to bed since it was getting warmer.

"Why?"

"You look pretty revealing in that, Valkyrie, and you're a teenager. I don't want to get distracted from my job." He added. Valkyrie went back up the stairs and thankfully, he didn't follow. She quickly gathered some clothes from her room and then went into the bathroom, locked the door and turned the shower on. She needed time to think. And to plan her escape. She didn't need looking after.

Valkyrie put on the blue shorts and flowery top and checked her phone. Two texts. One from her mother and one from Skulduggery. She deleted her mother's and opened Skulduggery's message.

**Dexter protecting you for a while until we capture Big Bad Villain. Have fun. Skulduggery Pleasant **

"Valkyrie? Are you okay? Why did you lock the door?" Dexter knocked on the bathroom door.

"I'm in the shower!" she called out and stuffed her phone into her jacket pocket. The door swung open and Dexter strode in, eyes wide and staring at her long legs.

"Liar."

"Oh my God, Dex! I can't believe you. What if I had been naked?" Valkyrie shrieked and quickly shed her jacket. "I was just trying on clothes for today."

"Right." Dexter raised his eyebrow and shut the bathroom window. "So you're having a shower now?"

"Yes." Valkyrie said defiantly.

"Good."

Valkyrie's eyes met his and she breathed in his minty aftershave scent. Dexter stepped backwards as Valkyrie stepped forward. A small smile curved across his lips as he surveyed her impressive body. Then he frowned.

"We can't do this, Valkyrie."

"Why not?" she wrapped her arms around him.

"Because you're impossible for me to date, to love, to kiss." Dexter said but he put his hand in her hair.

"Who says?"

"Everyone."

"You've been talking about this to people?"

"No."

"Well how do you know that people will disapprove?" Valkyrie laughed and Dexter smiled back. "How about, Mr Vex," Valkyrie continued, "we find out what they think."

Dexter started to reply but she caught him by surprise with a passionate kiss. Damn. She was good. It made it all the harder to reject her. He couldn't reject her. He really liked her. Fancied her. His mind was going a millions miles per hour. Did he love her? No. he had said it was impossible to love her though. So did he?

"I love you." He murmured in their kiss. Valkyrie stiffened for a second then relaxed.

"I love you too, Dexter." She replied and they carried on.


	3. Chapter 3 : Valduggery

**Warning : contains severe Valduggery**

**Valkyrie POV**

"Valkyrie." Skulduggery said sternly and I glared at him.

"Yes?" I said innocently.

"Stop being annoying."

I stopped tapping the table and started humming Christmas songs. By his look, I guessed **that **was annoying too.

"I'm bored."

"I can tell."

I got out my phone and checked my makeup in the inside camera. My lips were glossy and pineapple flavoured (Skulduggery's favourite fruit to smell, not that I wore it because of that) and my mascara was pitch black and actually okay for once. I took a selfie then yawned.

"Skulduggery, do you ever take selfies?" I asked.

He stared at me. "_No_."

"I suppose there's no point. One skeleton looks like another."

"Well, I do have better cheekbones than most...no, Valkyrie, I'm not getting in this argument with you again." He glanced at the clock.

"Fletcher's running late," he frowned.

"Probably with Myra."

"Of course."

We didn't speak for a minute then I turned to him again.

"Should I call him?"

"What?"

"Should I call him?"

"Who?"

"Fletcher."

"No."

I sighed and turned to face the wall again.

Then turned to Skulduggery.

"Should I text him?"

"Who?"

"Fletcher."

"If you must." He sighed but I caught the slight pain in the sigh as if he knew I was still moping over him.

**Where r u? Me and skul waiting. Val xxx**

And send.

"Valkyrie?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think that I'm too old?" Skulduggery said.

"What? Course not. You're under 500, aren't you?"

"Yes." Skulduggery gave a small nervous laugh. "Sorry, I'm just being irrational, there's this girl-"

"Ah, a girl." I smiled at him. Was Skulduggery moving on from his wife and China? At last. No offence to them both.

"This girl's a lot younger than me. Like a lot. Four hundred years a lot." He added.

"So she's my age?" I frowned. What other teenage girls did Skulduggery know enough to love? For a moment, I thought he meant me. We've know each other for seven years, long enough to develop feelings of more than friendship.

Then Fletcher appeared and Skulduggery conveniently forgot all about our conversation.

...

I woke up and stared up at the black ceiling with the glow-in-the-dark stars that I insisted Skulduggery put in the guest bedroom. He doesn't need a bedroom but he said it's for privacy (it has a lock). Mostly because we all just troop in and out of his house.

The other week Dexter and I had bought pizza after a slightly drunken night and we went into Skulduggery's house and stayed in his living room while he obliviously meditated on the sofa next to us. He only "woke up" when we laughed too loud at Big Bang Theory and screamed.

I smiled at the memory and checked my phone for the time.

**2:54am**

I wasn't even tired. Was Skulduggery meditating? I got up quietly and creeped to the door, avoiding all mirrors, since I always think someone is going to be behind me. It clicked as I opened it but otherwise, it was silent. This was quite scary.

I tiptoed out to the corridor and I saw Skulduggery's bedroom door was wide open.

"Skul?" I whispered.

"Val?" He appeared from the hat room. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I could say the same for you." I smiled.

"Couldn't meditate. Too many thoughts and distractions."

The house was empty. I knew his phone and laptop were downstairs. I would be the only distraction. I blushed and hoped he hadn't developed Sanguine powers where he could see in the dark.

"What distractions?" I asked, my voice catching in my throat.

"The girl I was telling you about." Skulduggery hesitatingly said.

"Oh?"

"It's. Valkyrie, don't take this the wrong way but it's you." He said then disappeared into his bedroom and locked the goddamn door.

"Skulduggery!" I yelled. "You can't just leave me like this! You like me! You love me?"

The stupid skeleton stayed quiet.

"Skulduggery bloody Pleasant!"

I stormed into my bedroom and slammed the door. Bloody skeleton. He's just so ugh. Skeletons. They're bad 'uns. The lot of them.

...

_They all know. _I walked into the Sanctuary, my cheeks bright red and my so-called partner and best friend beside me. Some women passed us and one glared at me and tossed her blonde curls over her shoulder.

"Hi, Skulduggery. _Valkyrie. _" She smirked and walked off.

"What was that about?" Skulduggery tried to laugh and I sighed.

"I think I can guess. How does everyone know about us?"

"Us?"

"You, really."

"What's wrong with me?"

"You love me. Romantically. You confessed and now everyone knows even though it happened at 3am last night." I glared at him.

"Well, it's very important because I planned something out for this moment. For you." Skulduggery said and then all our friends piled up in the corridor and gawped at us.

"Um, Skul?" I said. Ghastly was doing a little dance with Tanith and Dexter. Saracen had started a game with Erskine about who could put the most stuff in Fletcher's hair without him noticing. Anton was sat on the floor yawning.

"Valkyrie Cain," Skulduggery got down on one knee. Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" He beamed.

"Yes!" I laughed. "I thought you was going to propose! Thank Darquesse you didn't!"

Skulduggery paused then shrugged.

"I love you." Skulduggery kissed her, bone on lips.

"Love you too, Skully." Valkyrie said just as Fletcher screamed as a chunk of chewed gum landed in his hair.


	4. Chapter 4 : Mistkyrie

**This was requested by a reviewer. I haven't wrote this 'ship before so it's probably shit. Prepare for shitty shipping.**

**General POV**

Those dark eyes that normally stared so lovingly at Fletcher were tired and she was looking at the clock. Mist sighed as she stared at that dark-haired beauty sat across the table.

Should she say something? Tell her how pretty she looked? Ask her about her break up with Fletcher? Enquiry about her tiredness? There was just them two in the room so no-one could interrupt them.

"Hello." She managed.

Valkyrie Cain looked up.

...

"Hi." Valkyrie replied, a small frown settling on her face. Mist could be doing anything under that veil - smiling, scowling, crying. She was regretting not going with her friends to the cinema now she was stuck with Madame Creepsville.

"You don't trust me." Mist continued.

"You're an Elder." Valkyrie avoided the question but her answer implied, 'of course I trust you'.

She didn't.

Skulduggery had once said that you shouldn't trust someone who doesn't show their face. The irony of this with Lord Vile in his armour was not lost on both Skulduggery and Valkyrie.

"And you're a detective. At eighteen." Mist said. "Don't you miss your mortal life? Not nearly dying every week?"

"No." Valkyrie said, hoping that someone would come back soon. She would even prefer Fletcher and his new girlfriend, Violet, over Mist.

"Do you ever wonder," Mist paused, "what's under my veil?"

Valkyrie hid her laugh and tried to look focused. Although it was an interesting topic. "I'm not sure. What **do **you look like?"

Madame Mist sighed loudly.

"There have been many disputes."

"Wait. Do you not know?" Valkyrie frowned.

"Of course I do." Mist said and Valkyrie blushed. Idiot.

"Would you like to see my face?"

"Yes."

"The last time I showed someone was more than a century ago."

"I feel so special."

Mist lifted up the veil slightly just as Erskine burst in the room. Valkyrie felt suprisingly guilty and Mist left quickly.

"Hi, Val, want to see a movie?" Erskine asked. She said yes and went to his car but all through the movie, she kept thinking about the mysterious Madame Mist.

...

Mist cursed herself as she stared into the mirror, her veil abandoned on her desk. The jagged scar that ruined her once smooth skin ran across her cheek and forehead. The other cheek, the right one, was red from the memory of Valkyrie and almost revealing her face.

So close.

...

**Three months later...Valkyrie's Living Room**

Valkyrie couldn't believe what she was hearing. Mist sat on the same couch, her face still concealed and her fingers clutching Valkyrie's knee.

"You must know that I wanted this to all go away." Mist said. "I want us to be...allies." _Not lovers. _Valkyrie silently added.

"It's been three months since I almost showed you my face and I think, I think now I've confessed, I should show you." Mist continued.

Valkyrie braced herself as Mist took off her veil. Then closed her eyes.

"It's all off." Mist whispered.

"Just. One minute. Let me think."

To see her face would mean there's no going back. No saying that she didn't love her a bit. No pretending that Valkyrie hadn't seen her.

She opened her eyes.

...

Madame Mist's Face

Her skin was smooth apart from a ragged scar on her left cheek and a slight bruise on her jaw. Her mouth was a glossy pink and she had full lips and white teeth. Her nose had a slightly Roman aspect to it ; long and narrow with a sharp edge. Her eyes were a deep and soulful blue with large eyelashes. Mist's hair was black, curly and short. She looked beautiful.

And Valkyrie knew it.

...

"I'm scared." Mist said pleadingly as Valkyrie led her to the ferris wheel.

"I'll hold your hand." Valkyrie suggested.

"Okay!"

They went into a glass booth and it started to slowly turn. Dublin turned into a mass of sparkling lights and buildings.

"This is so wonderful." Mist said warmly and Valkyrie smiled at how much her girlfriend had changed since she had revealed her face to everyone. Mist was kinder, happier and less of the forbidding woman everyone had known her as.

When they reached the top of the ferris wheel and it stopped to let more people on, Valkyrie looked across at Mist. Her blue eyes were focused on the sky but she smiled slightly at Valkyrie.

"Thank you, Valkyrie." Mist said.

"I love you." Valkyrie replied, and she meant it.

**The End. Post ideas for who I should pair Valkryrie with in your reviews. XD**

**Also my twitter isn't working on my phone so -_- **


	5. Chapter 5 : Mevkyrie

**Mevolent and Valkyrie fanfic. Melkyrie been suggested by a reviewer so...here you go.**

Valkyrie's whole body glittered with sweat as she punched the trainer repeatedly. "And put some anger into it." The trainer (Nettle?) said and Valkyrie sighed.

Her face screwed up in concentration and she threw a punch but ended up, toppled over on the floor. Nettle had moved out the way and made her look a fool.

"Concentrate, Cain. Predict where your enemy will move next. Don't give me that look. Practise more. It's not my fault that you're shit this week. This month, in fact." Nettle snapped.

Valkyrie flipped him the finger as she walked off to get changed but she knew he was right. It was just...she was so distracted. Now that Mevolent had come over from the alternate world and Skulduggery was on a hunt to find him, Valkyrie had hardly seen her best friends for weeks. Skulduggery and Tanith had teamed up with the Monster Hunters to search Africa and Dexter, Saracen and Anton had gone to America to find his followers who might help him destroy the world. Erskine and Ghastly had been busy with their Elder work and controlling Ireland in this time of chaos was tough work.

"Has to ruin everything." Valkyrie muttered to herself as she threw her black clothes, now covered in sweat and some blood (mostly her own), into a pile on the bench in the changing room.

Her underwear was more bloodstained since the fight in France yesterday with a fanatic of Mevolent's. Valkyrie and Dexter been swimming in the sea (improvising swimsuits with bikinis and underpants) to keep up with this guy, Chock's yacht and then they fought on the boat. She hadn't been home or to Skulduggery's to change so she was stuck in these bloody and sweaty and torn clothes.

"Bloody Mevolent."

On went a black Hollister top which barely covered her belly button.

"Fuck him. Fuck everyone."

She slid into some comfy minuscule shorts.

"Fucking Mevolent."

"Now there's a nice thought," came a smooth voice and Valkyrie put her hands on her hips and spun round.

She was already talking before she saw him. "These are **private **changing rooms." She said and opened her mouth to swear at him before she realised who it was.

Mevolent.

...

How was he here? Was this even possible? Ireland? They were searching all over the world and they missed Ireland! Ireland! Ireland!

He was staring. Had he said something? Where was her phone? Behind him. Brilliant. Should she ask him about something? How he was? What the hell he was doing here?

"Hi."

What the hell, Valkyrie thought to herself and Mevolent cracked a smile.

"Thank you for not calling your friends right now to kill me."

Didn't even say hi back.

"I could kill you myself."

"I'm sure you could sweetie," he (MEVOLENT) said in a patronising tone. "However, if you don't right now, I'd be most grateful."

This was Mevolent, evil Mevolent. Why wasn't she killing him?

Her magic was bound. For some reason.

She started to say so but realised that if Mevolent hadn't done this, he didn't know that she couldn't defeat him. She couldn't anyway.

Probably.

**I could. **Darquesse.

"Not now. Please not now." Valkyrie whispered and Mevolent frowned.

"What?"

"I wasn't talking to you." Valkyrie said.

"Who were you talking to then?"

**Just me. Plain old Darquesse, who could destroy Mevolent if you give me ten minutes out of this prison you've built me in your head. **

"Why are you here?"

"Because why would anyone look for me in the most dangerous place I could be at this very moment in time?" Mevolent smirked.

**Clever. If he wasn't so evil, we would be friends.**

"You don't have friends. You're evil." Valkyrie said to Darquesse which made Mevolent frown again. "I mean, you don't have friends? To help you? You're evil, sure you should have influence."

"No. My followers are, spread across the world."

"Oh."

**Ask him why he appeared to you, a Sanctuary detective, you stupid girl.**

"Why did you come to me?"

"Because you, young lady, are special. You're not afraid of me."

"I am." Valkyrie admitted. True. But she wasn't as afraid as she should be. Why?

**You are still a mortal idiot at heart. You have FEELINGS. Feelings weaken you.**

"I do not. Not for him. He's...he's evil. He's on the bad side. He is the bad side."

"I am, aren't I? Well, I don't mind if you do have feelings. In fact I have pretty strong feelings for you right now." Mevolent said. Valkyrie felt a spark of something -hope? Fear? Disgust? Love? - in her stomach and then realised that he was scanning her long legs and staring at her revealing clothes.

"Shut up. Give me a good reason why I shouldn't scream right now."

**Good save.**

"Well, as I said, you are very special. There is something in your mind that attracts me to you."

"Not good enough." Valkyrie glared at him. Mevolent rolled his eyes.

"Fine. I need your help."

"Doing what?"

**Asking a favour from your deadliest enemy? Something's up.**

"I want peace. I am a tired, old, old man, Valkyrie. I want peace."

**Ooh. Drama.**

"Peace? You want peace? Seriously?"

"Yes. Is this so hard to believe?" Mevolent smiled.

"Can't we discuss this before I launch into Ghastly and Erskine's throne room with _hi, guys, this is Mevolent. We're gonna give him peace._" Valkyrie smiled back.

When Mevolent smiled, his whole face lit up.

**Not something you should be thinking, Valkyrie. Dangerous. Getting dangerous.**

"I'm sorry, I suppose it's too much to ask."

"Maybe we could discuss it over coffee?" Valkyrie suggested.

She could hear Darquesse laugh in her head but Mevolent nodded.

"Yes."

...

**Four months later**

Valkyrie stared down at the table, her cheeks bright red.

"How dare you not tell us! How fucking dare you, Valkyrie! We were searching all over the world for months! Months! And he was holed up in a flat in Dublin! He stayed at your flat!" Skulduggery yelled. No, screamed. She'd never seen him so mad.

"Skulduggery, maybe you should calm down." Ghastly said quietly.

"Calm down? Fucking calm down?" Skulduggery punched the wall and Valkyrie felt her eyes water.

"I am so sorry. I-I think I love him." Valkyrie said.

**Love. Skulduggery's going to yell again soon. Scream, shout at you and Ghastly and then he'll go kill Mevolent.**

"Darquesse." Valkyrie whispered. Skulduggery's head whipped round.

"Darquesse! That's who you're blaming this on? Bloody Darquesse! You tell us what Mevolent wants right now or I will-"

"You'll what?" Valkyrie stood up, slamming her hands on the table. The chair fell over.

Ghastly, Saracen, Dexter, Erskine, Tanith and Anton stared at the pair helplessly.

"Please, guys, please just." Erskine whimpered.

"You'll what!" Valkyrie screamed.

"I'll tell your parents all about us! About this! And I'll kill Mevolent, I'll distance myself from you until I hate you so much and one day, I or Lord Vile will kill Darquesse! Kill you!" Skulduggery screamed back.

**I'd like to see him try. As if he could. I'd kill him before he could touch me. I'd pull his bones apart one by one...rip his consciousness apart...**

Valkyrie walked to Skulduggery with shaky legs, Darquesse continuing her violent tirade in Valkyrie's head.

"Valkyrie, I'm sorry. That was out of order. But. It could happen." Skulduggery said, his voice still heated but quieter.

"Skulduggery," Valkyrie said louder than she meant to.

**I would kill all those he loves first. Torture them. Like Serpine so ingeniously did with his wife and child. **

"No, Valkyrie, let me speak. If you turn into Darquesse again, what do you want me to do?"

"Skulduggery." Valkyrie said again.

"I'd have to kill you." He continued.

**Like he killed all those other people when he was Lord Vile. I really appreciate Skulduggery's sordid past because it gives me so many opportunities to have FUN. **

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie yelled and Skulduggery shut up.

"For example, I could play with Lord Vile. He's fun to play with, he let's me experiment."

"Valkyrie?" Saracen frowned.

"Darquesse." Skulduggery frowned. "Valkyrie, do not let her gain control. Get your head back straight."

"It is me, Skulduggery. Valkyrie. Who loves Mevolent."

"Yeah. Okay. But what's with the weird Lord Vile stuff?" Tanith asked.

**Oh look now she cares. I liked her better when she was a remnant. At least then she was fun. No-one's fun anymore. No-one plays.**

"No-one ever goes psycho and gets to be all fighting anymore." Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "No-one plays with me. Won't you play, Lord Vile? Melancholia didn't like to play. She didn't like to play with Lord Vile at all."

Valkyrie shut her eyes tight against Darquesse's renewed attacking against her mind.

Darquesse opened her eyes.

...

"Where's my boyfriend I wonder?" Darquesse shadow-walked to the jail cells and Weeper stared at her.

"V-Valkyrie?"

"Wrong!" Darquesse laughed and killed him. She walked into the jail and ignored every other cell apart from Mevolent's. That, she opened.

"Valkyrie? Am I free? They've agreed to the peace treaty thing?" Mevolent kissed her and Darquesse frowned.

"I am Darquesse."

"Shit. Valkyrie, come back." Mevolent said and suddenly he was remembering everything.

All his moments with her.

With Valkyrie.

...

_"Valkyrie, don't be an idiot, I miss you." Mevolent said into his mobile._

_"I'm sorry but that kiss was a mistake. A mistake!" Valkyrie said._

_"I love you."_

_"Hmmm. Can I get back to you on that?"_

_"I suppose. Would you like to visit my hotel tonight?" _

_"I suppose." Valkyrie said and Mevolent supressed a grin. _

_..._

_"Dance little Valkyrie, move to the groove." Mevolent sang and Valkyrie spun round in the tune of his little song._

_..._

_"So I was with the Monster Hunters in Russia and it was snowing..." Valkyrie smiled._

_"This was when you were searching for that murderer? The cannibal?"_

_"Yeah. Well we had all bought furry hats and ..."_

_..._

_"It was the middle of the war and Vengeous was getting to be an uptight sod so we decided to play a little joke on him."_

_"Who's we? You and..."_

_"Me and Serpine. Vile was worse than Vengeous, all silent and forbidding. Anyway, we got his water and replaced it all with this clear alcohol, a bit like vodka..."_

_..._

_"And Fletcher fell into the ocean but teleported out because there was a shark and guess what?"_

_"What?"_

_"He teleported into the cave where Dusk was having sex..."_

_..._

_"And there he was."_

_"Your dad?"_

_"My father. Watching me have my first kiss with my first girlfriend!"_

_"And what did you do?"_

_"I fell over and accidentally pushed her into a big pile of horse..."_

_..._

"Oh we've had some fun times." Darquesse smirked. "Fun conversations. Stories and memories shared."

"Give me her back." Mevolent said firmly.

"Maybe." Darquesse curled shadows around Mevolent's body, preparing to strike.

Mevolent caught the sight of Valkyrie's frightened expression and Valkyrie launched forward to hug him. Then Darquesse was back, mouth open in shock.

Blood pouring from her head.

Valkyrie was back.

She was crying and stumbling into Mevolent's arms. Mevolent was dying.

He knew that.

The shadows had struck his chest as Darquesse had got shot.

"Goodbye Valkyrie Cain." He whispered and Valkyrie let out a final sob. She looked up and saw Skulduggery and he saluted her. A rubbish version that reminded her that she would die, unable to salute properly. She saluted back and that said all her goodbyes.

Valkyrie Cain died in Mevolent's arms.

**God I'm tired now. Writing this was sorta depressing but still. XD**


	6. Chapter 6 : Evil Ones

**I haven't updated in a while but this is gonna be a long chapter to make up for it. Set after lsodm.**

**General POV**

"Morning, guys," Dexter raised a hand as a hello as he walked into the new Sanctuary. Saracen summoned him over.

"Dexter, please tell Fletcher that Darquesse won't be in Australia." Saracen rolled his eyes.

"I want to go to Australia." Fletcher pouted and sipped some diet coca-cola. Dexter laughed and stole Fletcher's bottle.

"You on a diet? And you have to share your coke with...oh." Dexter put the bottle on the table and Fletcher flushed.

"They, the shop owner said they spelt Valerie wrong and it came out Valkyrie so, I thought it was an, omen, or something." Fletcher stammered.

Saracen looked stricken for a moment and then regained his cheeky smile. "There's no Saracen's on these bottles. Or Dexter. Or Fletcher."

Skulduggery walked in and instantly, they could sense his bad mood.

"What are you doing? Get up and stop gossiping like old ladies." Skulduggery snapped. "Fletcher, take Saracen and go to Germany. The German Sanctuary want to talk to Saracen."

Saracen frowned but let Fletcher teleport him away.

"Skul, what's up?" Dexter stood up and slipped the **Valkyrie **bottle into his bag. Skulduggery watched him.

"Darquesse has been spotted in Haggard."

"Haggard?" Dexter asked, mouth open.

"She went home."

"Did they get her?"

"What do you think?"

"No then. Sorry. God. Don't you think that she'll come back? Valkyrie, I mean. Will Valkyrie come back?"

"No."

"Skulduggery..."

"She won't come back. Darquesse is too strong, whenever Valkyrie builds a prison for her in her mind, it doesn't work. It gets broken down. Sealing her name didn't help, nothing will. Darquesse has full control unless Valkyrie somehow manages to become more than a voice in Darquesse's head. Her good mood swings."

Dexter nodded. "I'll go talk to China. I need an update about something anyway."

Skulduggery walked off and Dexter walked in the other direction.

A perfect metaphor for their friendship.

...

Darquesse frowned and touched the cut that spread across her forehead. It hurt. Should she try and heal herself? Yes. But would she? No. Darquesse was in a strange mood. She wanted to feel normal. Less like a god and more like the ordinary teenage sorcerer she used to be.

**It's a sign. That you should let me out.**

And Valkyrie's voice was getting stronger. Like hers had.

**And you overpowered me. I can overpower you.**

"You and who's army?" Darquesse said loudly.

**Me and my emotions. You don't feel many emotions. Ha. Well I do. I feel millions of emotions.**

"Your love for Skulduggery won't overpower my godlike nature." Darquesse smirked.

**Darquesse, you silly duck.**

Darquesse laughed and then sighed and tried to shut Valkyrie up. Darquesse turned her iPhone on and checked her text messages.

**From: Dusk. Val, Darquesse, whatever. Where are you? Everyone in the Sanctuary is really worried about you. Even, well, EVERYONE. Call me.**

**From: Fletcher. VALKYRIE COME BACK TO US. DARQUESSE LET HER GO! I MISS YOU SO MUCH.**

**From: Fletcher. I am sorry. I was drunk. Darquesse, please let Valkyrie come back for at least a day. A day to say her goodbyes.**

Should she reply to Fletcher? No. But her fingers itched to type a reply. To tell him that she was fine. That she missed him too.

**Tell him I love him.**

"Shut up, Valkyrie." Darquesse hissed and tried to mentally re-build the psychic block. It didn't work.

She went to her bed and tried to sleep.

Sleep was the only place where Darquesse could be free of Valkyrie's voice.

...

**Five months later...**

"Darquesse, let her go!" Dexter yelled as he dodged another stream of fire. The van they had arrived in exploded as his energy hit it and Darquesse laughed.

"Where's the Bentley? Skulduggery always takes it into battle." She said.

Saracen crept out from under a pile of debris and looked at her, his eyes wide. "Valkyrie," he said softly. "The Bentley got destroyed. The mechanic couldn't put it back together. Skulduggery, he didn't buy a replacement. He couldn't bear a new Bentley when he didn't have you to share it with."

Valkyrie blinked.

Darquesse regained control and sent a shadow hurtling towards Saracen. Dexter pushed him out the way in time so instead of Saracen's chest, it impaled Dexter's leg.

"Valkyrie, come back." Fletcher called from behind a car. He teleported and his voice came from behind her. "Valkyrie, please come back."

He didn't say anything else but Darquesse felt the silently added remark, _even though you killed Gracious, Donegan and Tanith. _

"She's never coming back." Darquesse snarled and tried to move away, sensing a trap. Sure enough, Fletcher gave a sad smile and held onto her arm. Whatever it was that paralysed her, it paralysed her good and she was stuck on the floor. Dexter said something, a muffled voice.

It sounded a lot like, "do we kill her?"

Saracen replied, but one ear had stopped working. The other was ringing from a distant explosion but was still functioning. That was the ear turned towards Fletcher and Sanguine.

"What did Bones say to do now?" Sanguine asked. Darquesse wondered why Sanguine was helping them. Then she remembered that she was paralysed and no-one seemed to care. Darquesse allowed herself a minute of wallowing in self-pity and sorrow before trying to focus on the situation.

Sanguine was replying to whatever Fletcher had said. "Would that work?"

"Who knows." Fletcher said glumly. "I'm doubtful that it will work."

"If only you'd let me keep the Godkillers instead of giving them to your Darquesse hunting team."

"The bow, the dagger, the spear, the sword and the sceptre are in safe hands." Fletcher said. He sounded grown up. Darquesse didn't like it.

Or did Valkyrie not like it?

It confused her so much.

"The hands of killers, Renn." Sanguine said.

"You're a killer."

"I am a hired killer. I'm different."

"Dexter has the bow. Saracen has the dagger. We lost the spear. I have the sword. We are storing the sceptre for use when...when someone is available to use it." Fletcher said.

Darquesse scowled and then realised her mouth was working. "Fletcher!" She yelled.

"Shut up." Sanguine glared at her. "When the hell is Skulduggery getting here?"

"Fletcher."

Fletcher knelt next to her, his smile spread against his face. "Valkyrie?" He asked.

"Hey, Fletch." Valkyrie said.

Darquesse sat up and headbutted him. Fletcher cried out and Dexter appeared, holding an arrow to her throat.

"Move and I kill you." Dexter threatened. Darquesse froze.

Skulduggery appeared, his skull unreadable and his hat cocked at an angle on his head.

"Everyone, go." He said.

Saracen stared at him. "Are you mad?"

"That's not the plan." Fletcher said.

"There's a new plan. Fletcher, grab my arm." Fletcher followed his instructions and then frowned.

"Be careful."

"I always do." Skulduggery replied quietly. Darquesse felt that this was a sort of ritual between Fletcher and Skulduggery.

They certainly reminded her of a father and son. The father heads out to war and the son tags along behind.

Skulduggery said something but Darquesse was flickering in and out of consciousness. She could see Sanguine's mouth moving. His regretful look. He shook Skulduggery's hand. Dexter and Saracen hugged him. Fletcher gripped his arm tighter.

Then Skulduggery stepped forward and pulled Darquesse up.

They vanished into the night.

...

"Hello." Lord Vile watched Darquesse speak.

Fletcher had teleported back to the others, leaving the Evil Ones in a hot desert.

"You're back."

"I am."

It was Skulduggery's voice, smooth and velvety. It made her heart skip a beat and her stomach lurch.

Darquesse smiled. "You appeal to me. In that armour."

She really hoped it was Vile behind that armour because otherwise that would be embarrassing.

"You appeal to me. In that dress." Vile gestured at her red dress with the black lace on it.

"Thank you." Darquesse blushed.

Vile laughed a bit. "Why are we doing this? Why are we fighting? I-Skulduggery loves Valkyrie. Skulduggery confines me. Valkyrie confines you."

"Very true. We are just the dark sides of them. So technically..." Darquesse trailed off.

"We should love each other." Vile finished for her.

"Yes."

Darquesse stepped forward, a small smile on her face.

"I love you, Darquesse."

"I love you, Vile."

Darquesse touched his helmet and it melted away. A man was behind it, with big green eyes and black hair.

"This is me before I died."

They kissed.

...

And Valkyrie and Skulduggery emerged.

**XD**


	7. Chapter 7 : Reflection and Me

**Someone suggested a Valkyrie/Reflection 'ship so...this is it. Set before lsodm.**

Valkyrie woke up to someone tapping her shoulder and a whisper of, "Valkyrie, wake up, now!"

She opened her eyes and saw the reflection, wearing a silk top and shorts that were too small and pink for Valkyrie's liking.

"what's up?" she murmured.

"Your mirror smashed." the reflection hissed and Valkyrie sat up.

"what?"

"I was at Hannah's sleepover and then, I just came home and you were asleep and the mirror was broken." it said.

"Oh shit!" Valkyrie stared at her reflection. It was unnerving that it's look of panic was probably the same as her own. "Can you not-" how could she word this nicely? "Can't you go back in the mirror then?"

"No, probably not." The reflection sighed. "What shall we do? Call Skulduggery?"

"I-sure." Valkyrie said, wondering why she was about to protest against the phone call.

He'd probably tell her to be more careful, to be alert and that she was an idiot.

...

"What the hell have you done?" Skulduggery arrived and slid through the window.

"It was an accident." Valkyrie said weakly. She had changed into a pair of blue jeans and a green jumper.

"Where's your reflection?" He asked.

"Making tea." Valkyrie gently shut the bedroom door and turned to him.

"We can't trust It, Val."

"I know."

"Are you sure It didn't smash the mirror?"

"No. She told that she thought if the mirror smashed that it would kill her."

"People take extraordinary risks when they're desperate." Skulduggery said. Valkyrie didn't say anything but she agreed. Sealing her name? Risky.

"Hi, Skulduggery." The Reflection said and he smiled at her.

"Morning," he said warmly, "and what a disaster about the mirror."

"Oh gosh, I know!" The reflection replied in a suitably shocked voice.

"I've called Erskine and Dexter over to take it carefully to a magic repair place I know."

"Oh. That's great." The reflection frowned then smiled again.

Valkyrie watched this exchange, scowling. Her best friend. Her partner. Her reflection. Her copy.

It made her feel weird to think about them talking normally.

As Skulduggery's phone rang, Valkyrie looked at the reflection. It's hair was perfectly straightened and glossy, plenty of mascara and eyeliner and it had swapped the shorts and top for a black top that ended mid-thigh and white skinny jeans. A gold pair of flip-flops showed off her red toenails (matching her fingernails).

She looked pretty.

And way too independent.

Why would Valkyrie wear those impractical clothes?

_**Too much practicality and not enough fun. **_The reflection's (Valkyrie's) voice rang out in her head.

Valkyrie frowned.

...

Dexter was staring at the reflection while Erskine was checking out her legs. Valkyrie glared at them. It wasn't so much the fact that they were openly checking the reflection out. More the fact that the reflection was basically her.

Sure, they had seen Valkyrie makeup-free and when she had just woken up but still.

"So, what shall I call you?" Erskine asked It.

"Oh. Well, I'm not sure." It looked over at Valkyrie. "Should I choose a name? For simplicity's sake."

"A name?" Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"Yes. A name." Dexter said, innocently. They had no idea how horrific this was.

"Sure. Go ahead." Valkyrie faked a smile.

"Um, how about Lily?" the reflection asked.

"No." Erskine shook his head. "My ex was called Lily. Died from spider bite."

"Imogen?"

"My ex, Imogen, died from a spider bite too." Erskine said.

"I think Madame Mist is sending her spiders after them." Dexter laughed.

"How about...Wendy?"

Erskine shook his head.

Suddenly Valkyrie knew what It was angling for.

"Stephanie!" Dexter yelled. "Sorry, Val, but you're not really in use of that name any more."

"I suppose not."

"Hi, I'm Stephanie Edgely!" the reflection greeted Erskine and he grinned.

"G'day Miss Edgely, I'm Grand Babe Ravel."

"Are you of the Australian descent, Grand Babe?" Stephanie asked.

"Why, no I am not. Why do you ask?" Erskine played along.

"don't say g'day if you're not Australian." Stephanie said and Dexter exploded with laughter. Stephanie laughed along and she somehow managed to look even more attractive.

Did Valkyrie just think that?

She found herself blushing and was thankful when Skulduggery came back.

"The mirror's in the van. Thanks for the help." he grumbled then saw Valkyrie's face. "What's happened?"

"Stephanie, here, has told me off for saying G'day." Erskine said and took the opportunity to wrap his arm round her waist.

"Stephanie?" Skulduggery glared at him.

"She named herself. It seems silly calling her the reflection all the time." Dexter patted Stephanie's hair and she dodged him.

"Hey! My hair looks alright, don't mess it up."

"Sorry, Steph." Dexter pouted and Stephanie giggled.

Valkyrie shared a look with Skulduggery. A mixture of disgust and on Valkyrie's part, jealousy.

It wasn't Stephanie she was jealous of. It was Erskine, having his arm touching her, Dexter, making her laugh.

She liked Stephanie. The reflection. Like, _liked _liked her.

"Stephanie," Skulduggery didn't hide the tone of his voice, "please get in the car. We're going to my house until this mirror is fixed."

"Stephanie can-she can sit in the front, if she wants." Valkyrie stammered.

Skulduggery frowned but didn't say anything else.

...

**What's happening with all this shit about the reflection? Ghastly **

**It's calling itself Stephanie and it has Dexter and Erskine under it's little finger. Skulduggery**

**Wrapped round it's little finger. Ghastly **

**Well Valkyrie's wrapped as well. skulduggery**

**She knows how dangerous it is! Ghastly **

**I know. Something's up and I'll find out what. Skulduggery**

**Just be careful, Skul. You can be a bit insulting and she's still a teenage girl. Ghastly **

**I'll be careful. I don't want to lose her. Skulduggery**

Stephanie yawned and looked in the bathroom mirror. Her hair was curly from the plaits she had worn overnight and the pale blue summer maxi dress matched her nails. She ignored the throbbing pain from the blisters on her feet (new sandals) and wondered if Valkyrie was up yet. It had been two days since the Mirror Incident and Dexter had visited everyday, much to Stephanie's frustration. But, it did seem to make Valkyrie jealous and it was quite fun at times.

"Stephanie? Can you hurry up? I want a shower." Ghastly knocked on the door.

"Ghastly? What are you doing here?" Stephanie opened the door with a glowing smile. Ghastly and Skulduggery were the only people who hadn't been charmed by her. Yet. Fletcher had just started to warm to her and last night, they had shared a long laugh together.

It was an improvement.

"Just having a break." Ghastly said.

"Well, just yell if you need anything! Is Valkyrie up yet? I know Skulduggery's out on a case!" Stephanie walked down the stairs and she could feel his glare on her back.

**...**

"Morning, Stephanie." Valkyrie turned round as she heard someone enter the kitchen.

"Good mornin'." Stephanie greeted her.

Then stopped.

Valkyrie had her dark hair in a ponytail and she was wearing a tight navy blue business skirt and white vest top then her tanned legs were barely visible with the knee-length black boots.

"Woah. You look...nice."

"Thanks, Stephanie."

"You're welcome." Stephanie said nervously and looked at the coffee pot. "Is there any coffee left?"

"Have my cup." Valkyrie handed it her. A small print of red lipstick remained and Stephanie smiled at Valkyrie. "Stephanie?"

"Yes?"

Valkyrie took a deep breath. "I think I like you."

"Like me?"

"_Like _you." Valkyrie said.

"Oh. OH!"

"Well. Um."

"I think I like you too. I LIKE you." Stephanie grinned.

...

**10 years later**

"Mornin', darlin'." Sanguine popped up from behind Valkyrie and she shrieked.

"You scared me, you idiot! I might need medical attention!" Valkyrie glared at him but her features melted back into a soft smile.

"If you thinkin' of backin' out naw, I can certainly help you escape to, uhm, Texas, maybe." Sanguine sat down on the chair.

"I could send you to tell my guests that the wedding is off."

"Is the weddin' off, darlin'? I mean, it's creepy enough naw, with the same-sex weddin'. I mean, you split up for a whole year durin' the war and when you become Darquesse." Sanguine smiled sadly.

"Indeed, 'twas a strange year." Valkyrie sat next to him.

"Then you came back and you two reunited. You regrettin' that Bespoke an' Shudder ain't gonna be here for your weddin'?"

"I suppose. The guest count is pretty high so they'd have to squeeze somewhere anyway." Valkyrie tried to joke.

"Right. Well, Pleasant told me that the weddin' is startin' soon so you'd better get your fine ass out there." Sanguine smiled.

"He said fine ass?" Valkyrie smirked.

"Maybe I'm not exactly quotin' from the source. Come on, darlin', let's go get you married."

...

**25 years later **

"Mummy! Mam's makin' us pancakes!" a 7 year old girl jumped on Stephanie.

"Making! Not makin'." Stephanie groaned. "Has Uncle Billy been changing your speech again?"

"Nah, don't be a buckaroo, Mummy. Uncle Billy ain't be changin' my speech although he's certainly directin' Gilly's speech." Poppy giggled.

Valkyrie came waltzing in the room, holding a tray with pancakes and baby Gilly draped off one hip.

"Mam, those pancakes look scrumptious!" Poppy squealed.

"Scrumpy!" Gilly giggled.

"Come here, honey, gimme a kiss." Valkyrie set the tray down and kissed her wife.

**That's for you, reviewer! Keep R&R ideas of who you want me to ship Valkyrie with! **


	8. Chapter 8 : Duskyrie

**This is Duskyrie. I was going to do it at some point but thanks to a reviewer for prompting me.**

**Dusk POV **

I can see her. That head of dark hair, the warm smile and the feminine hands that killed Caelan. In a way, it's a relief. He was going to kill her. In another way, it's made her forbidden to me. She's branded as a Vamp-Killer.

Other vampires hated her with a passion.

I love her with a passion.

**Valkyrie POV **

I hate vampires. Their pale skin, unbeating hearts, stupid bloodlust - and other lust. Okay, some of them are alright but others (Moloch, Caelan) are horrible. And I'm glad I killed Caelan. I doubt Moloch's going to die anytime soon. I suppose I could always set Tanith and Sanguine on him like my own personal assassins.

Maybe not.

Skulduggery's walking too fast. Why won't he slow down? Where are we going? He just parked in the middle of Dublin and set off down a street.

Maybe it's my late 17th birthday party. Very late.

Or an early 18th.

Either way it'd be fun.

Vampire.

I can see a cage, a timed cage like ****** had (I'm not saying his name).

Fine. Caelan.

There's no blood so it's not a crime scene. I'm getting tired of crime scenes.

Where's the vampire? Maybe he/she's dead?

It? Do you call a vampire it? No. It'd probably kill you.

They're a bundle of laughs aren't they?

Dusk.

Shit.

Does Skulduggery know? He can't. Dusk is still alive.

**Dusk POV **

She looks worried. Should I have called her?

"Excuse me one moment, Pleasant, I just need to send a message to a contact." I whip out my phone and bring up Valkyrie and mine's chat.

**Business meeting. Nothing else. **

And send. Her phone vibrates but Pleasant doesn't seem to notice. So much for his detecting skills.

**Good.**

Short. I think with a frown. She hates me.

Great.

"That's enough Dusk. We need to get down to business." Pleasant snapped. What is this business he called me here for? Caelan?

No or Valkyrie wouldn't be here.

"Why did you sleep with my best friend?"

**Valkyrie POV **

For a second I thought he meant Ghastly. At least Ghastly's moving on. Then I realised.

"Skul."

"I'll get to you in a minute. It takes two to tango."

"I loved him. Past tense. it's over now. We moved on." I glanced at Dusk.

"You moved on." he said quietly.

"Now we have another vampire in love with you! Is this going to end like the last one?"

"No!" I cried out before I could stop myself. Don't let Dusk die.

Please.

"You're not over him. This is dangerous, Valkyrie."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You should be." Skulduggery said and I heard a bit of humour in his voice.

"Skul?"

"Don't be an idiot. I don't mind who you date as long as he or she doesn't hurt you."

"What?"

"It's your life."

"So I didn't have to spend months hiding this relationship from you, then?"

"No."

"So I don't have to pretend I don't care anymore?"

"No. Wait, what?" Skulduggery said.

Dusk smiled. "You do care?"

"Of course, honey, why wouldn't I? You're gorgeous."

"And dead." Skulduggery muttered.

I grinned. "Dead gorgeous then."

Dusk moved forward, only as quick as a vampire can and kissed me.

Who said romance is dead? Oh wait...

I make myself laugh.

"Ew. Not in front of me please. Ugh. I'll be waiting in the Bentley. Dusk, don't take any blood or go psycho. Valkyrie, don't take off any clothes, yours or his." Skulduggery said then walked away.

I smiled at Dusk. "Oh, my little vampire. We are going to have some fun."

**No updates this weekend because I'm lazy and off school so I need to chill for a while before posting.**


	9. Chapter 9: Valguine with a twist

**Here's a Valguine. Because I'm in a Valguine mood. As always. Also they don't know Sanguine in this chapter but Tanith is a remnant. And they haven't really dated.**

**Valkyrie POV **

"What are we looking for?" I asked Skulduggery as we scoured (good word) the crime scene. It was a kitchen. A boring plain kitchen.

"Something abnormal."

I looked at him. "Found it." I smirked.

"Ha-ha." Skulduggery said sarcastically. Who says sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?

"I'm bored. Aren't you bored? I get bored of crime scenes really easily. They're boring. And I want a coffee. Can I make a coffee? Or would it be compromising the crime scene? Mm. Starbucks. And a muffin. Can we go to McDonalds after this? I know you can't eat anything but I need a coffee. Caffeine." I said as I walked round the kitchen.

Boring.

Tiles.

Table.

Boring.

Plate.

Cracked floor.

Boring.

Bor-

Wait.

"Skulduggery. I think you want to see this." I said then I was pulled into darkness.

...

I screamed then glared at the blonde man holding me. I knew Skulduggery could hear me through our earpieces. "Who are you?" I demanded.

Then I realised I was underground and started panicking.

"I'm claustrophobic." I told him.

"Oh. Well. I'm William-Raymond Sanguine, pleased to meet ya. Billy-Ray Sanguine to my friends." He reached out his free hand for a handshake. I stared at it. "You shake it."

"I. Um. I know." I stammered. "I'm Valkyrie Cain."

"I know. I've been paid to capture and kill ya."

"What!" I squirmed in his grip.

"Calm down, darlin'. I'm not going to kill ya."

"Don't call me darling, you imbecile." I snapped. He gave a low throaty chuckle.

"Ooh. I'm scared, darlin', so very scared."

"You better be because when I escape and tell Skulduggery about you, he will come and kill you. Or beat you up. Then we'll imprison you. I have friends in very high places, Mr Sanguine, and I will use those connections."

"Oh." Sanguine grinned at me, his white teeth shining in the dark. I momentarily grinned back. Then glared at him again.

"Let me go!" I shrieked.

...

Where am I?

What am I doing here?

Who am I?

I opened my eyes to a dull throbbing in my whole body. Someone has changed me into pyjamas. Are they mine?

I don't even know.

What do I look like?

I stood up, stumbling slightly. Okay. The mirror. I have dark hair. Dark eyes. Pale skin. A fresh cut across my forehead.

"You're awake!" a voice yelled. The door to the room opened and a boy with spiky hair ran in. "Oh God, we were all so worried about you."

"Who...what...where am I?" I began. The boy sighed.

"Nye said you'd be a bit memory-loss-y. You're in Skulduggery's house. Your bedroom. You forgot anything else?"

"Um. Yeah. Who am I?" It felt strange asking that to a stranger but I did it anyway.

"You're Valkyrie Cain, Elemental."

"Oh. That's a mage right?" I asked.

"Yeah." he frowned. "Let's get you downstairs."

When we got into the living room and I was sat on a chair, a skeleton, the boy, a scarred man and a beautiful woman stared at me.

"Well. How come I'm, I have no memory? The last thing I remember is that I was underground and there was a man." I said.

"A man?" the beautiful woman asked. "Who is this man?"

"Um. He's blonde. He's really cute. And he's called Billy something. Billy-Ray." I said.

"Billy-Ray Sanguine?" the scarred man raised an eyebrow. "Fuck."

"Yeah. Who are you exactly?"

They all frowned.

"I'm Skulduggery Pleasant, I'm your detective partner and best friend." The skeleton.

"I'm Ghastly Bespoke, I'm an Elder, a tailor and your friend." The scarred man.

"I'm China Sorrows, I am a librarian and your friend." The beautiful woman.

"I'm Fletcher Renn. Hey. I'm a Teleporter and your, um, ex-boyfriend."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You cheated on me. With a vampire."

I cheated on him with a **vampire**? That didn't sound like me. But I could be a serial killer and not know it at the moment.

"Woah. Okay. Should we ask this Sanguine guy about what happened to me?"

"Uh. Yeah. I'm not really sure who that is." Skulduggery muttered. "Ghastly? Who is he?"

"He's a hired hitman deluxe. Very James Bond villain's assistant who sides with James Bond and helps save the day but dies a heroic death." Ghastly said. "And he's Texan."

"Anything else that could distinguish him? Other than blonde, Texan and a hitman."

"Uh. No. Not really." Ghastly said.

"He has no eyes." China said.

"Ew! Like just black holes there? He had sunglasses on when he took me." I contributed.

He sounded cute. Not the hitman part. Or the eye part. but cute.

...

"Valkyrie? Thank God. You're safe." Sanguine said as I approached him, cautiously. "You fainted and then I re-surfaced us and then someone took you when my back was turned."

"I lost my memory. I can't remember anything other than you." I said. Might as well dive in there.

"I didn't do this, I swear." Sanguine said.

Do I believe him?

Yeah.

Kind of.

"I know. I just, why do I only remember you? I don't even remember before you! Its just waking up in a bedroom and then I think I love you! Otherwise, why would I only remember a hitman who kidnapped me!" I yelled.

Oops.

"You love me? we've just met."

"I didn't mean to-"

"Say that?"

"Yeah."

"Well it's said now."

"I guess."

"So."

"So."

"You love me?"

"Yeah."

"I reciprocate those feelings."

"You love me?"

"Yeah."

Smile, Valkyrie, I told myself. I smiled. He loves me. Do I love him? Yes. I must have. To be able to remember him. He's like a shining beacon in my darkness of rememberance.

"What?" Sanguine asked.

"I didn't say anything."

"You said something about shining bacon?"

"Shining beacon, you imbecile." I said. It sparked a memory. Of calling him an imbecile. Many times. I frowned. Had I met him before he kidnapped me?

"You starting to remember?" Sanguine asked.

"Skulduggery told me that we don't know you."

"That's half correct. He doesn't know me."

"And I do?"

"You got an earpiece in?" Sanguine said.

"No."

"Well, we met six months ago. We dated. Then we broke up because I kissed Tanith at a party. A villain party."

"Tanith?" I interupted him.

"Oh yeah, you don't remember her. She's blonde and she used to be your best friend."

"Used to? What happened?"

"She got a remnant." At my puzzled look, he explained. "An evil soul."

"Oh."

"And then we broke up and then a month ago we just got back together. I was hired to kill you so I saved ya." Sanguine said.

"Brave of you." I smirked. A small spark of memory came back.

**Me and Billy-Ray fighting off a crazy vampire and he kissing me when we won and then we went to get a meal. **

**"Brave of you. To cut it's head off with a blunt sword. If it hadn't worked." I smirked.**

**"We'd both be dead. I know." Billy-Ray said.**

**"You're a dangerous man." **

**"We live in dangerous times." he replied, making me remember the conversation about cynical-ism with Skulduggery. They were more similar than they knew. I smiled.**

"I remember. A vampire then a date."

"You do?" Sanguine perked up. "That was April 1st, our fourth date."

Was it third dates when you...slept together?

"Have we ever...you know?" I blushed.

"Am I a male? Are you an attractive female? Am I charming?"

"Yes then."

"Yeah."

"Wow. This is a shock."

"It certainly is." Skulduggery stepped out from behind a building.

...

**Skulduggery POV **

This hurt. She slept with this criminal. After everything I told her. I warned her about the enemy. But no. she defies me.

Sanguine was staring at me. Valkyrie was scowling.

"I didn't know if you could be trusted." I said loudly. "Sanguine. If you could be trusted not to hurt my partner."

"Of course I wouldn't hurt her. You heard all we've been sayin'" Sanguine said.

"You sure? How come she's lost her memory then?"

Guilt. He looked guilty.

"I didn't know they'd do it."

"Tell me the truth, William." I said, tired.

Valkyrie frowned. "William? You know him, don't you?"

"Shush, darlin', let me tell my tale." Sanguine said to Valkyrie. I waited.

"I was hired to kidnap Valkyrie and implant a painless tracking device on her arm. I was told it was a tracking device, anyways. And then I did it and she fainted. I wasn't going to take her to the people who paid me. I was going to pretend she escaped and tell her about the device when we surfaced and once I was sure I didn't have a bug on me. A listening device bug." He added at Valkyrie's frown.

"So, you left her? For us to pick her up."

"I knew you were listening in with that earpiece so I thought that it could track her."

I smiled gently at Valkyrie but I felt a bubble of resentment for this once innocent girl who now dated criminals behind my back.

I was better off alone. Too many emotions.

I did love Valkyrie though.

"Wait. Uh you know Sanguine?" Valkyrie said. "Have you told me before? Do I just not remember?"

"Yes. No. I haven't told you but I know him." I said.

"You're friends?"

"Allies."

"But, why didn't you tell me or the other me? Me."

"There's only one you. The one that's memories are temporarily locked away."

"Answer my question."

"Well, I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to know."

"Obviously." Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Why didn't you want me to know?"

"It's too dangerous for you to know. I don't want someone torturing you for this."

"Skulduggery? If it's that dangerous, you should tell me. I want to be kept in the loop."

"So do I."

"That's different."

"Not really."

"Tell me then. And I'll tell you how I feel about Sanguine."

"You don't remember."

"I do. Skulduggery Pleasant, Skeleton Detective, family perished in the war, owner of a Bentley. I remember."

"Your memory's back." I said.

"Partially."

"It's dangerous because me and William are old buddies. Allies, I mean." Sanguine snorted.

"Buddies. War buddies." Sanguine said.

"Right." Valkyrie frowned at us both. "The magic war against Mevolent?"

"No. Duh." I said. "World War II. He fell in love with my cousin's best friend. Then he saved me from a bomb. And we've been allies ever since."

"So?"

"So what?"

"Why couldn't you tell me?"

"There's more." Sanguine said quietly. I closed my eyes and sighed. "Y'know Hitler disappeared?"

"Yeah..."

"We killed him."

"What!" Valkyrie shrieked.

"I know. He was a mortal follower of the Faceless Ones and he was a figure of power. It was dangerous. There are still followers of his, mages and mortal ancestors alike, after us. We couldn't hang out together. We had to split up. And neither of us wanted them to kill you." Sanguine finished.

"Wow."

"Yeah." I said. "Wow indeed."

...

**Nine months later - General POV**

"Honey, I'm home!" Valkyrie called and Sanguine smiled to himself.

"Hey, darlin'. Your friends are in the kitchen." he told her as he kissed her in the hall.

"Oh God, really? What about?" she frowned. "End of the world?"

"Worse." Sanguine said. Valkyrie walked into the kitchen and then saw Tanith, remnant-free.

"Oh my God! Tanith! How is this worse!" Valkyrie screamed and hugged her. Tanith was laughing and hugging back.

"Well. A month before I met you me and Tanith dated." Sanguine said.

"You what?" Valkyrie turned on him.

"We what?" Tanith glared.

Before they could react, Sanguine was out cold on the floor and Ghastly was grinning.

"Bloody Texan."

**Don't worry, Valguine are still together. I just wanted a Ghanith ending. Sort of. Go Ghastly! Remember to read and review ideas!**


	10. Chapter 10 : part 1

_If I did something big and bold would she notice me? Or would I keep being a small plague of darkness in the shadows that watches her? Am I nothing to her? Do our shared kisses mean a thing? I think not but I hope that, yes, they did._

Valkyrie made a face as she read Caelan's diary. They were twisted and made her feel sick. She could only hope that Skulduggery would stay on the other side of the room, checking for magic. "There are slight hints of Adept magic and Necromancer magic but there is also a lingering scent around here of something I don't like." Skulduggery called. Valkyrie made herself look up and force a smile.

"You don't have a nose."

"I am a magical skeleton, my powers are unlimited."

"You can't be an Adept or a Teleporter or a Necromancer or a Sensitive."

"Maybe they're slightly limited. But I can fly."

"That you can. And you do it very well." Valkyrie told him. He laughed.

"What I want to know," he began walking over to her. Valkyrie slammed the book shut and hid it in her bag. "Is why this mage was so obsessed with Caelan."

"Maybe he had a vampire fetish." Valkyrie joked. The No-Talking-About-Vampires rule didn't work well when they were investigating the murder of a mage who seemed to have everything of Caelan's hidden in this secret study behind the bookcase.

So she made jokes.

"Maybe he had an infatuation with our dearly departed vampire, may he rot in hell." Skulduggery said.

"Are you saying that Lenny Clear fancied Caelan?"

"I'm not saying it, I'm telling you that he did. He has shrines, Valkyrie, dedicated to a murderous psycho emo-reject failure of a vampire." Skulduggery said. Valkyrie stared at him.

"You don't like him much, do you? Have you been taking insulting-Caelan lessons from Fletcher?"

"Alas, no. I haven't seen your ex-boyfriend in a while, despite his insistence that we go to Australia and meet his new girlfriend and go for tea."

"Myra's...nice." Valkyrie said.

"If nice means strange and odd and horrible." Skulduggery put on his gloves. "You don't like her one bit."

"She's very. You're not meant to like your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriends."

"She's very what?"

"Bitchy."

"She makes muffins."

"Bitch."

"Don't curse, Valkyrie."

"You swear loads! And stop mentioning ex-boyfriends too me if you don't want me to swear."

"Don't be a, ahem, bitch. Be nice and sweet and maybe, _just maybe_ I'll take you to dinner tonight."

"Like a date?" Valkyrie frowned.

"Like whatever you want. If you want to feel loved, sure it's a date." Skulduggery said and placed his hat at a rakish angle on his skull. "Now, I have to go and you are going to get dressed for our 'date'. Dress smart, I'll pick you up at eight."

...

The Bentley arrived exactly one minute before eight and Valkyrie opened the door just as Skulduggery was about to knock. "You're early." she smiled.

Skulduggery checked his watch. "By a minute," he replied.

"Okay then, you're on time. And put on a facade, my parents are here."

"Surely when you take me to visit them another time they will wonder why I look different?" Skulduggery asked.

"Uh I'm not introducing them to my date like 'hey guys look at my skeleton best friend'." Valkyrie said and she heard someone coming down the stairs so tapped Skulduggery's tattoo and drgaged him in.

"So we are on a date?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up." she elbowed him then smiled at her parents. "This is my date."

"Oh, how handsome." Melissa sighed.

Desmond frowned. "What's your name?"

"My name is Skulduggery Bone." Skulduggery announced proudly. Valkyrie groaned. Couldn't he have said Sam or John or something?

"Where are you going with my daughter?" Desmond asked.

"We're going to dinner in an exclusive restaurant and club. Then we'll dance in the club."

"Call me sir. Respect your elders." Desmond demanded. Skulduggery briefly grinned then nodded.

"Sorry sir." he said with amusement in his voice. Valkyrie tutted at him.

"Any alcohol at this club?"

"I don't drink." Skulduggery said truthfully. "But if Stephanie wants to drink I'm sure I could-" he stopped. "I mean I won't let Stephanie drink either because I am a responsible adult and I don't let minors drink."

"Adult? How old are you?"

"I am twenty."

"And my daughter is nearly eighteen so take care of her or else I can bust you up pretty bad. I once threw a man through a window." Desmond boasted proudly.

"I heard. I once threw a man through a stone wall." Skulduggery said and Valkyrie's eyes widened in alarm at the scowl on her father's face.

"Haha, Skul's just kidding, right? He's very weak. A weakling. I could totally overpower him with my self-defence stuff." Valkyrie said quickly and shoved Skulduggery out the door.

Once she was in the Bentley she glared at him. "You can get me a drink if I want? Skulduggery Bone? You can throw a man through a stone wall?"

"Two are true, guess which ones?" Skulduggery said. Then, "sorry, I haven't Met The Parents in hundreds of years."

"Right. Well don't say any of that stuff next time you meet a parent." Valkyrie looked out the window as the car started to drive down the road.

"Duly noted." Skulduggery saluted her with a gloved hand. Valkyrie started to say something then stopped herself. The correct response wasn't 'duly noted'.

It was that there wouldn't be a next time.

_This is part 1 and part 2 will be up soon if you review about where to take them (it's going to be a mage club) and who's there etc. It's set before LSODM so no Tanith or Sanguine or Caelan or Fletcher and Myra. Sorry. _


	11. Chapter 11 : part 2

Valkyrie grinned at Skulduggery as they entered the exclusive mage club. It was awesome. There were booths everywhere, it was dark but had lots of candles floating and there was a dance floor. Music was booming out of a speaker system on a small stage. "There's karaoke and a bar." Skulduggery said. "You may dance."

"Only if you dance with me."

"Valkyrie...I have a feeling that your dancing isn't my dancing."

"It might be."

"Do you do the tango? The salsa? A foxtrot?"

"Uh I can twerk."

"Exactly." Skulduggery shook his head. He led her to an empty booth and they sat down, awkwardly smiling. Valkyrie had never been at loss for conversation with Skulduggery before. This isn't a date, she told herself, this is a friendly dinner. Even that didn't help her act normally. This is a mission.

You have to act like you're on a date and talk.

Valkyrie nodded to herself.

"Shall we order drinks?" she asked.

"Mm. Depends what you mean by drinks."

"Skul, I have had alcohol before."

"Fine." Skulduggery signaled the waiter. "What do you want, Val?"

"Vodka and cranberry please."

"Okay. Can we have a cranberry juice please?"

The waiter gave Skulduggery a strange look then walked off to get the drink.

"I said vodka."

"And I promised your father NO ALCOHOL. Besides you're a minor. Illegal."

"You're a detective. This is a mage bar. You can't arrest yourself."

"Very true. Also seeing you drunk might be funny." Skulduggery stroked his chin. The waiter came over. "Add vodka to that please. Extra strong."

...

By the main meal, Valkyrie had downed two vodka and cranberry's and a few beers. Skulduggery watched, amused, as she staggered to the bathroom, waving at him.

"Skulduggery Pleasant, what are you doing here?" Erskine appeared by his side and sat in the booth. "You're on a date?" he ate some of Valkyrie's pizza. "With a seventeen year old girl. Valkyrie."

Ghastly sat next to Erskine. "What's up?"

"Skulduggery's getting Valkyrie drunk."

"What?"

"It's not that bad..." Skulduggery said then saw Valkyrie turn on the karaoke machine. "Val! Come back!"

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name ish Valkyrie Cain and I am going to be singing a duet with my super special partner and date tonight, Skulduggery Pleasant! He's a skeleton you know." Valkyrie slurred and the start to _you're the one that I want _came on. Skulduggery face-palmed as she sang loudly and badly. "Ooh-ooh-ooh honey!" Valkyrie yelled. Erskine got out his iPhone to film it and Skulduggery slapped his hand.

"Erskine Ravel, do not film my date."

"Oof raunchy" Ghastly grinned.

"Don't be so dirty-minded, Bespoke." Skulduggery sighed. He walked to the stage to get her down and Valkyrie stole his hat. "Val..."

"Skully! Get up here! Yay! Can I have more vodkas?"

"Valkyrie Cain, listen here." Skulduggery got up on the stage and Valkyrie wooed and handed him a microphone.

"Sing, Skully!"

"Uh let's change the song then." he turned off the machine. "Ravel you film this and I will shoot you."

"Grand Mage, Pleasant, can't shoot me." Ravel laughed and carried on filming.

"Vally Cain please get off the goddamn stagggeeeee!" Skulduggery sung and Valkyrie threw up on his shoes.

...

"Skul?"

"Yes?"

"Did I throw up on you?"

"Yes."

Pause.

"Skul?"

"Yes?"

"This was a date wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Did I ruin it?"

"You got drunk."

"Sorry."

"You provided some entertainment."

"Glad my drunkenness amuses you."

Another pause.

"Val?"

"Yeah?"

"I had fun."

"Me too."

Valkyrie breathed out.

"What are we going to tell my parents?"

"I called the reflection and she pretended to be you coming home. You can sleep at my place."

"Thanks."

"It's fine. I'd. I'd do anything for you."

"I know."

"Is that it?"

"What?"

"You're meant to say oh me too I'd do anything for you too."

"Sorry. That then."

"Right."

"Right."

The Bentley came to a stop and Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and she blushed. Then they both leaned forward and their lips met. Skulduggery turned on his facade and kissed her harder.

"Valkyrie..."

"I know." she stopped. "You're too old for me."

"Right. Well maybe we should get you in bed."

"Maybe. Or we could you know. Get us both in bed."

"Valkyrie!"

"I'm kidding." Valkyrie pouted. "Don't yell."

"For God's sake!" Skulduggery rested his head against the steering wheel. "Come on, let's put you to bed."

"'Kay." Valkyrie kissed his cheek and scooted out. She closed her eyes and sighed then went into his house and flopped on the sofa bed. She didn't know what he did when he came in a few minutes later.

Everything went back to normal. Erskine was threatened with death and pain so he deleted the video. Ghastly didn't mention that night again and neither did Skulduggery and Valkyrie. The last time Valkyrie thought of it was when she turned into Darquesse and then she remembered Skulduggery's warm lips on hers, pressing against her.


	12. Chapter 12 : The Love Square part 1

**This was suggested by a reviewer so I apologise about how long it took me to get round to it! Apologies!**

Darquesse saw the man hiding behind the car before Valkyrie did.

**Man behind car.**

Valkyrie nudged Skulduggery and he knocked him out. Darquesse grinned to herself, inside Valkyrie's head it was dark. The 'mental prison' she was in was like a room with no doors or windows or lights. But she could see everything that happened in Valkyrie's eyes in her mind. It was tiring sometimes, to try to keep a grasp of her reality - the room and her thoughts - and Valkyrie's reality - the outside world and Valkyrie speaking and Valkyrie's thoughts.

Now, Darquesse tuned into Valkyrie as she put it, she could always see it but she chose to ignore it. Valkyrie's thoughts were racing through her brain. _Darquesse is back. Her voice was so loud. This is scary. What if I Hulk out? Help. Should I tell Skulduggery._

Darquesse looked at Skulduggery as Valkyrie did. His hat was at a rakish angle and his suit was a charming dark blue. He looked, and Darquesse hated to admit it, he looked handsome. He had no facade but the way those hands drummed the side of his gun, the wide smile that he couldn't help because he was a skeleton.

Darquesse blushed and cursed herself and Skulduggery and Valkyrie and Stephanie and everyone.

"Valkyrie, what's up?" Skulduggery asked. His voice was so velvety smooth.

**Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! **

Darquesse must have said it out loud because Valkyrie frowned. "Nothing. It's just Darquesse."

"Oh. Darquesse." Skulduggery said, his voice tight.

"She said shut up but I think she was talking to herself."

"She is crazy."

**I am not crazy, in fact everyone else is crazy and I am the only one who sees the truth in our powers, in this world. If you succumb to me, you too can see the truth.**

Valkyrie winced. "More stuff about succmbing to her and I can see the truth."

"Ignore her. Shut her out." Skulduggery said and it is painful, Darquesse reflected. Painful, she felt hurt. A grappling sense of loss in her heart.

Then it hit her.

Darquesse, destroyer of worlds, other personality of Valkyrie Cain, was in love with the Skeleton Detective.


	13. Chapter 13 : The Love Square part 2

**All the usual stuff : EVERYTHING IS DEREK LANDY'S. And Skulduggery POV which is quite hard to do since he seems to notice everything.**

"Morning." I say to Valkyrie as she gets into the Bentley. She grunts back at me. Her dark eyes look tired and she is paler than usual. "Are you ill?"

"No, why?"

"You look tired." I say. She does. Her usual perky smile is set into a deep frown and she has the posture of someone who has given up. I recognise that look. The look you get when you have no hope left for you or your mental wellbeing. I've seen it many times, mostly on Ghastly before I persuade him that he needs to carry on.

"I am tired, Skulduggery. Do you know how hard it is to be keeping magic a secret from my parents? Now I have to keep Darquesse a secret and she's in my head all the time and I don't feel."

"I understand." I say.

"How?"

"I know what it's like."

She looks at me with a deep frown. "That's different, Skul. Vile is controllable, you control him. You killed those people, Ghastly's mother, of your own will."

"Valkyrie!"

"No! Darquesse is different! You act like we're SO alike, you and me. But we're not. I am going to turn into a psycho that destroys the world. You was a psycho that killed thousands of people of your own accord. I cannot help this, I am innocent. You? You are the guilty one here."

I am driving so I can't hug her or argue with her and she can't get out. I look at my best friend.

"Valkyrie." I say. She ignores me.

I put it down to stress.

One day she is going to see that I love her and nothing will be the same; for better or for worse I do not know and I don't think I want to find out.


	14. Chapter 14 : The Love Square part 3

**Valkyrie POV **

He is here.

I think of Skulduggery.

Is Skulduggery inside that armour? A skeleton controlling the will of Lord Vile?

After the argument two weeks ago, I have been thinking. About the method of Vile and Darquesse. What would happen if I died? Would Darquesse die? Or would she save me just in time to make sure that we are immortal?

And Skulduggery's subconscious. Would it still survive? Would it float into the armour and Lord Vile, destructive Lord Vile, would be back.

I frown.

"Why aren't you attacking me, Vile?"

He cocks his head and I swear I hear a laugh. I think of the way metal melts into metal on his armour, how smooth it is. How much Vile, despite his faults, is like me.

"We are alike. Me and Skulduggery, we are the same but very different. Me and you, Vile, we both have the potential. The only difference is that I have remained strong against it and you have given in to the chaos and fun of killing."

I look at him. He looks at me.

"Don't you ever wonder why killing is fun? It's fun to be able to crush someone's whole body with one swipe of your hands, to spend shadows through someone's heart and swipe their lungs. But why? It's illegal. And it is wrong. Shouldn't forget that it is wrong. People have died for less."

I chuckle.

"That's what my dad says. People have died for less. That's true. We know that's true. We have killed people for merely looking at us. You as you are now and me as my alter-ego."

I decide to do it and step forward. "Vile..." I take another step. He doesn't move. I kiss him. The metal is cold. He flips the visor up and I see his skull.

"Valkyrie." It's a very strong Irish accent, deep and velvety.

"Vile?"

"Yes."

He kisses me back.

Fireworks.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.


	15. Chapter 15 : The Love Square part 4

**Vile POV (also the last one)**

I kissed her back. Why? Because she reminded me of Darquesse. We, Darquesse and I, eliminated that kiss from their memories the night of the Requiem Ball, before we re-emerged as ourselves. As it was.

Now I regret it. I am in love with Darquesse, not Valkyrie Cain. But she loves me.

Something about my smooth armour and voice, makes her love me.

I thought no-one would love me.

Here I am, now, stood in the "throne room" of the Sanctuary in Roarhaven, of my own free will. Valkyrie seems to be talking about that a lot lately. To Skulduggery, to me. I suppose we are the same - two thought paths at a crossroads. where we cross over, that's where Skulduggery becomes me. We keep crossing over.

Again.

And again.

And again.

It has to end.

I am independent, I am Lord Vile, not Skulduggery Pleasant's subconscious. I am of my own mind and will. I love Darquesse and this war of hearts needs to come to an end.

She comes in, two hours later. Valkyrie. Skulduggery follows her. They stop and stare at me and I lock the doors.

"Vile!" Skulduggery snarls. "How did you...I've been keeping a tight rein on you."

"Look inside your head. Think. When was the last time you heard me move in there? When was the last time you felt me prodding at the barrier that separates me from getting out? My prison."

Valkyrie frowns and looks at me.

"Two days ago I escaped. Yesterday I made a mistake." I say and Valkyrie blushes. "Today I realized two things. I am a separate entity from Skulduggery and I intend to keep it that way. I want to go to some abandoned forest and live there until my death day. Also I am in love with Darquesse. I realized that. But loving her means releasing her into the world and letting her burn it down. I cannot do that.

I would rather live love-lost. Valkyrie, when you are looking for love, look next to you. He is me and I am him. We are different paths but sometimes we meet at a crossroads."

"Vile, you're just going?" Skulduggery asked. "My subconscious is off to live in a forest? My subconscious is in love with Darquesse?"

"Yes. I am going. It is like Valkyrie's reflection, Stephanie."

"What about my reflection?" Valkyrie asks.

I turn to her. "It has not happened yet. It doesn't matter. I am saying it is you but it is separate. Careful of that one, Valkyrie."

"I am." she says.

I smile, raise my hands and in a burst of shadows, I go far away.


	16. Chapter 16

**This is in the future but LSODM and DOTL haven't happened but Tanith is remnant-free.**

"Morning." Valkyrie raised her hand in an attempt of a wave at her boyfriend. She was waddling into the Sanctuary, pregnant stomach bursting against her sweater. "The baby's been kicking loads."

Sanguine kissed her cheek. "Takes after his mama then."

"Sure does. And who says it's a he?"

"I do." Sanguine grinned and patted her stomach. "He's a growing baby, ain't he? Your stomach is gettin' large."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" Valkyrie faked anger then laughed. "Have you got any chips? Cheesy chips are best but normal ones would do."

"I could make someone go get you some but I've gotta go to some meetings." Sanguine kissed her again and speed-walked out of the room. Valkyrie walked to Ghastly's office, yawning. As she opened the door, she got enveloped into a wide hug. "Hey, Val." Tanith said then groaned. "Charlie, get off Uncle Skulduggery."

Ghastly picked up his one year old son and Charlie scowled and wriggled in his arms. "Skull."

"Skulduggery." Skulduggery corrected him. "Hello, Valkyrie." He hugged her then poked her belly. "You're huge! Tanith didn't get this fat."

Valkyrie glared at him. "Excuse me?"

"Um...never mind. You look radiant. Do you have new skin?"

"I don't even know how to respond to that." Valkyrie said and then went up to her godson. "Hey, Charlie. Hi, Your Highness."

"Oh shut up." Ghastly grinned. "I've got to run, me and Charlie are going to a meeting with Uncle Billy."

"Billy." Charlie repeated.

Skulduggery followed him, muttering about how unfair it was that Charlie couldn't say his name. Tanith looked at Valkyrie in exasperation.

"Honestly. I can't believe that Ghastly's taking him to a meeting with the American and English Council on the holograms."

"Hopefully Charlie will behave." Valkyrie poked her best friend. "Hm, I was going to ask you something."

"Pregnancy brain?"

"No, I've remembered." she smiled. "Where's Dexter? He gets scared of me when I demand things because I'm pregnant and a baby could burst out of me any minute."

"You've got a month left. He and Saracen are smoking outside."

"Nasty habit." Valkyrie tutted. "I'll go make them stop and then send them out for food. Do you want anything?"

"A burger with double bacon?"

"Coming right up."

Valkyrie walked outside and demanded food off the pair. Dexter and Saracen started to protest but quickly ran off when she gave them glares and put her hands on her hips. "Good doggies." She muttered then started breathing heavily. "Oh shitting hell. BILLY-RAY!" she yelled and ran into the Sanctuary. "William Raymond Sanguine, your girlfriend is going into labor a month early to deliver your son!"

Sanguine came running out of a room, panicking. "You're in labor!"

"Well done. God I wonder why your detective career didn't work out."

"I told you I kept killin' people."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. And that's creepy."

"But you like it."

"No...yeah it's sorta hot. 'Kay, Billy-Ray, I'm in labor."

"Uh we'd better get you to the hospital. Bones can drive us."

"In the Bentley?"

"Sure." Sanguine said but he looked a bit doubtful.

...

After ten minutes of arguing and screams from Valkyrie, they (Valkyrie, Sanguine, Skulduggery and for some reason Erskine) were all in the Bentley and on the way to a hospital. "Oh my God!" Valkyrie yelled as a contraction hit.

"Just breathe, Val, breathe." Sanguine said from the front. He had to direct Skulduggery to the hospital so Erskine was reluctantly sat beside Valkyrie.

"Do you want me to hold your hand?" Erskine asked.

"I'm fine." Valkyrie puffed then grabbed his hand and s-q-u-e-e-z-e-d. Erskine joined her in yelling with pain and Sanguine groaned.

"Can you hold the baby in for an hour at the most?" He asked.

"Oh, I think it's coming pretty fast, William."

"Do not give birth in the Bentley!" Skulduggery yelled.

"I'm not delivering a baby. I'm too young to witness that horror." Erskine closed his eyes then screamed with Valkyrie as she almost broke his hand.

"I'm only in my fifties. I'm the one having a baby." Valkyrie said. "Woah that sentence was a lot weirder than I thought."

"And it reminded me how older Sanguine is than you. Sanguine, stop hitting on a fifty year old." Skulduggery scowled.

"I'm not hittin' on her." Sanguine said. "We're datin' and she's havin' my baby."

"Breathe!" Erskine yelled. "Breathe, you big bloody baby."

"Oi!" Valkyrie hit him.

"I was talking to myself! I need to breathe. You've broke my hand."

"I'll break another bone in a minute." Valkyrie snarled. "UH! SOMEONE TELL ME WE'RE NEAR A HOSPITAL!"

"Two minutes. Hold it in." Sanguine said and Skulduggery sped up.

...

In the next three hours, all of the Dead Men, the Monster Hunters (now a trio since Fletcher officially joined them) and China, Tanith and Charlie were in the hospital waiting room. Gordon was creeping the nurses out by floating there and Erskine had to regularly assure everyone it was a hologram and not real.

"How much longer is this gonna take?" A London voice suddenly said and everyone looked up as Springheeled Jack entered the room. He grinned at Tanith and she groaned.

"What are you doing here?"

"Sanguine invited me, love, what are you doing here?"

"I'm going to be godmother."

"Well I'm godfather." Jack said triumphantly then sagged. "Joint godfather, I mean. Because Pleasant is godfather too."

Skulduggery chuckled.

...

Five hours later, Sanguine came out of the room, tired and blood spattered...to be honest he just looked he normally did when he was an assassin. But he was cheerful and he was smiling. "We've had a baby girl!" Everyone cheered and ran into the room. The nurse tried to get them out but the sixteen of them, seventeen if you count the baby, just glared at her. She slowly backed out of the room and everyone stared down at the baby in Valkyrie's arms.

"Does it do anything yet?" Gracious frowned.

"_She _is ten minutes old."

"So she's not doing any tricks?"

"She's not a dog." Valkyrie looked at her friend. Gracious looked disappointed but he stayed quiet.

Skulduggery and Jack approached their goddaughter, cautiously. "What if it hits me?" she heard Skulduggery whisper to Jack. "Or yells at me?"

"I don't know. Babies don't like me."

"They always find me scary for some reason."

"Same!" Jack enthused. Valkyrie rolled her eyes and snuggled into Sanguine's chest.

"Can I have her?" He asked. She handed her over reluctantly then almost immediately, Dexter sat on her bed and handed her cheesy chips. She laughed.

"Thanks, Dex."

"No problem." Dexter grinned. Saracen sat beside him and punched his arm.

"I paid for them."

"But I remembered them."

"Money over memory."

"That's not a saying."

"Is."

"Is not!" Dexter protested then looked at Valkyrie. "It's not, isn't it?"

"God, Billy-Ray, I think we already have two children already, you childish bunch." Valkyrie scowled. "Doesn't anyone want to know her name?"

"She's chosen one already?" Erskine asked, surprised.

"How...the hell...are you...Grand Mage?" Valkyrie face-palmed. "She can't speak, yet. She's called Lily Stephanie Sanguine."

"Aw that's cute." Tanith smiled. Lily started crying and Donegan jumped.

"She sounds like a hag when she screams."

"In this case it's going to be you who dies." Valkyrie gave Donegan a murderous look. "Did you just call me daughter a hag?"


	17. Chapter 17

_Warning: dying of the light spoilers so if you haven't read it yet, please don't read (if you don't want spoilers)._

_Disclaimer: everything is owned by Derek Landy! _

Valkyrie's eyes swept the bedroom at Gordon's, making sure everything was safe and empty. She didn't want an Infected jumping out at her or a Remnant-possessed Dexter Vex trying to kill her or take her soul or whatever he wanted to do. She especially didn't want Darquesse to kill her in her sleep. China had sent NJ to set up symbols outside the house to set an alarm when someone breached it. Skulduggery would get a warning on his phone, he'd tell Dai to check the CCTV and then if it was a red alert, two squads of Cleavers and the remainders of their team would shoot over there to battle the threat and rescue Valkyrie.

She got on the bed and snuggled under the covers, breathing in and out and thinking of calming thoughts. Then, as she was drifting off to sleep, there was a voice. "God you weigh a TON. I'm getting squashed under here." Valkyrie's voice. She shot up and got her stick from the side of her bed as Darquesse slid out from underneath it. "Thanks, honey."

"How are you here? There's signals. People will be here soon to kill you."

"I disabled them." Darquesse waved her hand and the shadows flicked on the light switch. Valkyrie squinted in the sudeen light.

"What do you want?"

"You." Darquesse said simply and sat down on the bed. "Not your soul or anything. Just wanted a chat with my significant other."

"You want a chat?"

"Yes. Is that such a crisis? Don't tell anyone though. And if I try to kill you, you have all rights to say I told you so."

"Fine. Five minute chat then I'll try to kill you, you'll just laugh and I'll run to my car, drive to Roarhaven and tell Skulduggery. That a deal?"

"Sure." Darquesse smiled. "How's life?"

"Right now? Not great because some self-obsessed evil side of me is trying to kill me and my family and destroy the world."

"Fun, fun. I'm not so great myself at the moment."

"This isn't a pity party, Darquesse. Four minutes."

"Oh, well then, I'd better start getting to the point then, I suppose."

Valkyrie nodded, preparing for a threat or a bargain or maybe a long-winded explanation of her plans. Instead Darquesse kissed her.

Two minutes passed and Valkyrie was stuck in the kiss. It was good but she didn't want this. This was the woman who killed her family. At that thought, she tore away.

"A minute left." Darquesse reminded her. Valkyrie slapped her and broke her nose. She didn't need magic with this fury she had inside her. Darquesse stood up, scowled, and then crashed out of the window, flying to wherever her safe house was. Valkyrie collapsed on the floor, crying. Her hand hurt but she felt drained. She had made out with her goddamn evil self. That was strange and unforgiveable and...

**Darquesse POV **

What is a life without Valkyrie Cain by my side as we grow old and cause mischief and kill people? It is a sad life. Why was I destroying the world in all those visions? This is why. I don't have a pleasureable life anymore. I love Valkyrie Cain until death do us part. Maybe killing her will do the trick. It will. So, fueled by an odd desire for murder, I rushed to Roarhaven.

_**Thank you, guest, for suggesting this. remember to keep suggesting but no more Darquesse/Reflection stuff please, it's confusing me a bit. XD**_


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